INDIANA JONES AND THE DIAL OF DESTINY (2023) ★ ★ ★



The more I see of Indiana Jones in the 21st century, the more I think he was better off staying in the 1980s, where he belongs. When George Lucas and Steven Spielberg conjured up this testosterone-fueled character all those decades ago, he was ostensibly a "hero," but in reality he was a cold-blooded cad. Indy wasn't a "nice guy" just out to find hidden treasure; he was a determined mercenary who could kill a roomful of men and sit down to eat a bowl of cornflakes right after. Whether he was throwing a kebab skewer through a guy's chest or shooting a sword fighter in a town square to save time, Jones meant business. 

Fast forward to 2008, and we got a taste of an older and weirder version of Indiana Jones in a film that should never have been made. After seeing it, all I could think was, "Well, at least the movie is unaware of how bad it is." Spielberg couldn't leave well enough alone, and had to revive a character that had left audiences with the highest high imaginable in 1989's Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Fast forward even further, and we arrive at the current year, and "Indy 5," Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Were I to bother reviewing the shit-show "Indy 4," I'd award it two stars, with one of them going to the scene with the refrigerator. Dial of Destiny fares a bit better, although giving an adventure with this character anything less than five stars really hurts my heart.

Dial of Destiny has some serious stuff going for it. The story revolves around the quest to recover the other half of a mysterious ancient Dial created by the Greek mathematician Archimedes. The movie begins with a compelling sequence set in 1944 on a Nazi train, in which Jones recovers the Dial from the enemy and escapes with colleague Basil Shaw, played by Toby Jones. We're then sent to 1969, only to find Indiana Jones a lonely, bitter old man living in a crumby walk-up in a forgotten corner of New York City. Enter Helena Shaw, Basil's daughter, played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who urges the broken hero to pursue the other half of the Dial. Hot on her heels is the very same Nazi (a terrific Mads Mikkelsen) who lost the Dial to Jones in the first place, and adventure abounds.

I enjoyed the caper qualities of this film, and its first twenty minutes were invigorating to watch, with enough of an "Indy Movie" feel to reassure me that James Mangold intended to give audiences a better experience that Spielberg had fifteen years earlier. There's a time travel angle in this story, which I also enjoyed immensely, and only wished there had been more of it. Many people are shitting on Phoebe Waller-Bridge's character, and I can see some of the criticism, but frankly I think it's all a bit harsh. She's not great, but she isn't terrible either. She's a better character than Mutt Williams, although that isn't saying much. The problem with Waller-Bridge is that she's obviously been written as a "driving" character, without whom Jones would simply flounder and go nowhere. 

She pushes him to seek the Dial. She's the only reason any of the chase sequences happen. Without Helena, Jones is in danger of truly becoming the sort of thing he covets: an ancient relic. She's the "fixer," the "saver," the "voice of reason," and once or twice is forgivable, but over and over again is obviously another "Girl Power" device that Indiana Jones never needed in the original trilogy. Couple this with the depressing imagery of a dejected professor who trudges blearily through the streets and subways of Vietnam-era NYC, and we have even more problems and narrative inconsistencies, and at this point the franchise can't afford any of them. You can't make a convincing Indiana Jones flick with anything less than a stellar screenplay, and it simply isn't here. (The final five minutes are pretty good, however.)

This film is bombing in the box office, the first Indy movie to do so, and although I think it's a decently made and engaging movie, I'm not really surprised. Does the world really need to see its favorite pulp-fiction archeologist as a geezer with marital issues and an annoying goddaughter? Audiences have spoken, and the answer is a resounding "No." 

                                                                                                                                       --- Bill Fontaine

Popular posts from this blog

RESERVOIR DOGS (1992) ★ ★

Image
Quentin Tarantino's directorial debut was a sensation in 1992, and officially launched his long and illustrious career of making far better films. Its violence and foul language made it popular, which I think is an indictment of our morally bankrupt culture. I wasn't sold on "Reservoir Dogs" when I first saw it in the nineties, and my opinion hasn't shifted much since. To me it's a crude story filled with bad characters played by excellent actors, and that last bit is what saves it from the abyss -- or saves the pieces, anyway.  It's a tale about a band of jewel thieves whose best-laid plans go seriously awry. We're introduced to eight men, five of whom are the main players, in a cramped diner. The camera orbits their table until vertigo sets in. The script subjects us to Tarantino's trademark dialogue for what feels like an hour. It amounts to small-talk about Madonna songs and tipping, but it's punctuated with incessant cursing and the strain
Read more

ARE YOU THERE GOD? IT'S ME, MARGARET. (2023) ★ ★ ★ ★

Image
Great stories deal with big themes, things like personal growth (the hero's journey), love, hatred, war, religion, death. Writer and director Kelly Fremon Craig adapted Judy Blume's 1970 coming-of-age story about a pubescent girl and her daily adventures into a deft film that deals with a few of these overarching subjects. When I went to see it, I expected a modernized (i.e., sanitized) version of a very down-to-earth story, but was surprised to find that the picture embraces the trials and tribulations of its protagonist in the context of the early seventies, and doesn't attempt to update the material. This was wise; Judy Blume's novel is a bestseller because it's a good yarn, and good yarns shouldn't be tampered with.  Successful movies are always well cast, and "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." is cast perfectly. Rachel McAadams shines as Barbara Simon, mother of Abby Ryder Fortson's Margaret. The ageless Kathy Bates is convincing as g
Read more

65 (2023) ★ ★

Image
A movie about two human-like space explorers who crash land on prehistoric Earth should be an interesting way to spend ninety minutes. Instead it's a disappointing slog. I can't remember the last time a film pissed me off so much."65" has some moments of intrigue, and it's a visual bonanza of eye-catching scenes, but somehow nothing saves it from being boring. Or, rather, nothing saves it from itself.  Adam Driver plays Mills, and his character is needlessly complicated, right from the start. He leaves behind a wife Alya (Nika King) and sick daughter Nevine (Chloe Coleman). The mission that drives this story is to venture into the stars and find an off-world "cure" for Nevine, but judging by the strained expressions on their faces when they discuss it, her parents don't seem to think that this is likely to happen. Why did the writing and directing duo, Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, feel it necessary to add this forlorn family drama backstory? It's
Read more